


Loving Eros

by goddessdodo



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Changkyun is dating Wonho, Heavy Angst, Lee Hoseok | Wonho is a cheater, Multi, Romance, Secret Love Song, Wonho is cheating on Changkyun, idk what to put as tag, in love with two people, third party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:07:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23426710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddessdodo/pseuds/goddessdodo
Summary: Hyungwon isn't really a fan of Little Mix and he's certainly not a fan of reliving Secret Love Song but he loves Wonho even when he's in a relationship with someone else. Wonho loves him too, he says so. The sad thing is... he says he also loves Changkyun.
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Chae Hyungwon/Lee Hoseok/Im Changkyun, Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Hoseok | Wonho
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13
Collections: Monsta X Sad Stories





	Loving Eros

_"Eros, the love that defies any type of logic."_

His eyes gazed around the café the moment he went inside. The walls were painted red and were also decorated with little hearts and post it notes. Hyungwon didn't have to read the notes just to figure out that those were love notes from people to their beloved.

_"Should I write something for him too?"_

He thought to himself. It was a good idea, knowing Hoseok wanted to be pampered with love and gifts. Hyungwon could only smile, remembering the last time he did something for him. The older had swooped him from the ground, hugging him tight as tears started to exit from his eyes just because Hyungwon, a human sloth, decorated his place with hearts, balloons and lots of polaroid pictures of them hanging down from the ceiling, just for their recent monthsary.

_"I guess he wanted so much love that he's dating two."_

And just like that, Hyungwon's smile faded away. Sometimes, he wanted to curse his own mind for making him smile like a complete idiot and suddenly hurting him at the memory of Hoseok having a date with someone he could officially call his. Sometimes, he feels special because Hoseok tells him so but he's always reminded that he's just someone Hoseok comes home to after he's with Changkyun for the day. Sometimes, Hyungwon wants to be the only one but the thought fades away when Hoseok comes home, hugging him tight and whispering sweet nothings to his ear. And he knew, he was just okay with that set up.

_"Are you really okay with it, Hyungwon?"_

He sighed. The pain in his heart was too much for him to realize that the set up wasn't what he really wanted. Heck, who would even want something he and Wonho had? It was both reckless and crazy. Then he thought everyone goes crazy for love.

"Good afternoon, sir. May I take your order?"

He was shaken out of his thoughts when the barista spoke to him. Eyeing the place once again, he sighed. He finally remembered why he was in there in the first place.

"Two iced americano please. And a slice of blueberry cheesecake. That'll be all." He tried to smile while talking but he couldn't really do so, even mentally, as he thought of the stupid blind date Minhyuk had forced him to go to.

_"Hyungwon, you've been so lonely! And very occupied about school. For Pete's sake, just go to the blind date. I set you up with someone I know is good for you. He's a dear friend of mine."_

He cursed mentally, wishing that he only told his best friend the truth of his secret relationship with their school's football team captain who's publicly in a relationship with Im Changkyun, someone who's also known in their school. But it was Minhyuk, _too._ What are the exact chances of Minhyuk not opening his mouth to everyone?

_"Probably very low."_

He murmured under his breath as he watched the barista fix his orders. While waiting, he checked his phone if the guy he was meeting up texted him. They've been texting for a bit while since Minhyuk brought them together in a group chat and left them afterwards. The guy's name was Shownu. _An odd name_ Hyungwon once thought.

His phone vibrated, almost making him jump in shock. And speak of the devil, Shownu texted him.

_"I'm almost there. Have you ordered?"_

Hyungwon replied immediately with an "Oh. Iced americano? Since you said you liked it." He closed his phone, hid it in his pockets and waited for his orders. His phone vibrated yet he didn't bother checking the message. He really didn't want to talk to the other male. He only bothered to go to the blind date just for Minhyuk's relief so he wouldn't suspect Hyungwon and maybe Wonho.

"Here you go sir. That'll be 10000 won in total." The barista said, smiling. Hyungwon thought he was gonna rip his mouth if he was gonna continue smiling like that.

"Here." He handed the other his card. It didn't take a while before the barista gave his card back with a receipt and the tray of his drinks. "Thanks." He said, before walking towards a lonely side of the café, away from the possibilities of being an audience of a make out session of utterly disgusting couples.

Just when Hyungwon was going to sit down, he noticed the couple from the aisle, almost eating each other's faces.

_"Can't they go to a hotel or something? Why here?"_

He was bitter. Very! He hated how they could freely be around one another without having to worry about what other people say. He hated how envious he was. Not quite literally. He just wanted to be official with Wonho... _but Changkyun was on the way. Or maybe... he was._

"Hey." Lazily, Hyungwon looked up at the person standing in front of him. It was a male. He was tall, a bit darker than him and very handsome with a built body. "You're Hyungwon right? I'm Shownu." The male said, extending his hand for Hyungwon.

"Yes. It's me. Nice to meet you." Hyungwon replied, smiling in an effort of not being called a snob megabitch. He also held the other's hand and shook it, just for a brief moment. "Come, sit." He told Shownu who nodded as he sat in front of him.

"So... Minhyuk?" Shownu started off. "He made you go here right?" Hyungwon took his drink while nodding, not even bothering to look at the other.

"I learned to just go along with it." Hyungwon whispered before sipping onto his drink. "I've been friends with him since gradeschool. That's why." He eyed Shownu and smiled faintly.

He was rather calm about the situation he was in but he insisted, mentally, that he just wanted to get it over with so he could go home and wait for Wonho to come back to him. _Quite desperate but it was the set up Hyungwon wished he never agreed on._

"Hyungwon..." The other called out, sighing. "This is getting nowhere. I swear to God, I might die if we continue this."

Hyungwon shrugged, sipping on his drink. "I actually think the same. We have one thing in common now."

"To be really honest, we shouldn't be in this together right now." Hyungwon chuckled as he busied himself drinking. "I know you're already in a relationship and with Wonho—"

Hyungwon burst his drink out, causing the people surrounding them to look at their direction, gasping in shock. He fixed himself, _more likely his face,_ before he apologized to them, bowing at them for the disturbance. He then looked at Shownu who had a blank expression.

"What the hell are you talking about? T-That's not funny." Hyungwon said, trying his very best to stay calm though his hands were shaking and so were his eyes. "Wonho is dating someone and that someone isn't me."

Well that last statement had such an impact on Hyungwon. He felt teary-eyed just by saying it. He's always been thinking about the situation they were in and he knew it was morally wrong. It was very wrong to be happily in love with someone who's already officially committed to someone else. 

"You can keep on telling me lies but I know when someone's in love just by looking at their eyes." Shownu continued. His expression still blank and serious. "And whenever I look at Wonho, even during games, I see him staring at you from the audience. He's in love with you."

A part of Hyungwon felt relieved at Shownu's response but the moment his eyes glanced at the window, his jaw dropped and his eyes shut tight as he sighed in defeat.

"Maybe he does love me..." He whispered. He opened his eyes and stared at the couple just across the street. They were taking pictures together while their hands were interlocked and their smiles vivid in their faces. "But he loves him too. What can I do with that?"

Shownu looked at where Hyungwon was staring at. He didn't understand what he felt but he sure knew it wasn't good. He felt sad and pity towards Hyungwon as the latter stared at Wonho and Changkyun walking down the street with smiles on their faces and hands warm against each other's skin.

He sighed. "Wanna drink with me?"

\---

"Yah!" He yelled aloud as he brushed the speck of ice away from his shoulder. "It's cold!" He complained. The other though was laughing at him.

"Come on Changkyun! Winter's almost over. Make it count." Wonho said, building up another snowball. A wide smile found on his face as he focused on the snowball.

Changkyun stared at him. He was mad at the sudden snowball attack but just looking at Wonho like that, he felt so soft inside. The older was so cute, just like a little baby. It was getting harder for him to be angry.

He approached the older and cupped his cheek. Wonho dropped the snowball on the ground as he gazed at Changkyun, his eyes itself questioning the other's sudden change of mood.

"W-What's wrong?" Wonho asked silently.

"Nothing." The younger smiled as he said. He caressed Wonho's cheek and felt the softness on his skin. "I just want to be close to you like this." He added, leaning even closer to the older.

The tip of their noses were already touching. Changkyun had to tiptoe and cross his arms around Wonho's neck just to be this close to him. He smiled at him.

"Do you love me?" He asked softly, closing his eyes as he awaited for Wonho's reply.

But instead of a response, he only felt warmth on his lips. As he opened his eyes, he was greeted by Wonho's face leaning closer to him as their lips were sealed together. Changkyun heaved a sigh when Wonho pulled away shortly after the kiss.

"Changkyun-ah." Wonho called out to him. "I love you so much." He added, pulling the younger's hand close to his face until he could kiss the back of it.

"I love you too." The latter replied, his smile widening.

Wonho stepped back, his hand still clutching the younger's own. He gave it a soft squeeze before he started to pull him somewhere.

"You know what's nice to do during winter?" He asked, grinning at Changkyun who had his brows furrowed as the older dragged him towards the heart of the city.

"Where are you taking me?" Changkyun asked nervously.

"We're gonna go to Kihyunnie's bar. He said he's gonna perform later." Wonho replied.

"But aren't bars too loud? You know I hate loud places." Changkyun frowned.

Wonho shook his head and chuckled. "It's gonna be a mellow night, my darling. Just soft pop songs and maybe some booze but we'll have a great time later, just us slow dancing and all. You want that right?"

Changkyun could only smile as response while Wonho dragged him until they reached Kihyun's bar. The smile on his face didn't disappear as he imagined him and Wonho, almost drunk, slow dancing under the disco lights.

_"Boy, it sure feels so good to be in love with someone who's also in love with you."_

\---

"Jesus Christ, Hyungwon!" Shownu cackled, hitting Hyungwon's shoulder again and again with the latter trying his best to be angry at the older for being really brutal to him but failing as he was already tearing up in laughter. "Bastard, you're too funny."

"I am not." Hyungwon sternly said, very stern that the older stopped laughing and looked at him, almost apologizing at Hyungwon if only the younger didn't burst into laughing again and so did he. "Yah, hyung I am not funny. You're just drunk."

"You idiot! I'm not drunk. I didn't even drink, remember?" Shownu scoffed.

Hyungwon raised a brow at him. "You've had three bottles of soju already?"

Shownu chuckled. "I was drinking Sprite. And it was just one bottle. What the hell, dude? I told you I'm driving home to Busan after this _blind date._ "

"And all this time you didn't tell me that I was the only one drinking these... these..." Hyungwon forgot his words. He just pointed the bottles of beer and sighed heavily. "How many did I finish? And how's my condition now?" He asked softly, his head slightly bowing just to avoid Shownu's gaze.

"You're almost done with the fourth one now." Shownu took the bottle from Hyungwon's hand and put it in the counter. "You're drunk already and you've been speaking nonsense since earlier."

Hyungwon looked at him. His expression was blank. Shownu thought the life out of Hyungwon had left. Not until Hyungwon scoffed a laugh, taking the bottle back from Shownu and chugging it straight down his throat.

"Ah." Hyungwon breathed out, smiling like crazy. He put his thumb up at Shownu and chuckled. "They say this means 'like'." He said, laughing softly, his head bowed down.

"And?"

Hyungwon brought his attention back to Shownu. "I just find it so funny." A gasp escaped from the older's mouth as he saw a tear falling down on Hyungwon's cheek. "I like someone and he likes me but he likes someone else too. He likes the set up we're in but..."

"You don't." Shownu sighed, eyeing Hyungwon who brought his hands on his face as he sobbed. "I'm actually curious why you agreed to it on the first place but I guess you just love him."

Hyungwon nodded, still busy sobbing. The older just patted his back and let him bawl his eyes out. It took a while before Hyungwon could drain all the tears from his eyes. There were still tears falling down on his cheek but he looked like he was okay already.

"He uh..." Hyungwon sniffed and chuckled. "We met at the rooftop in school. I was cutting classes to sleep and he was upset from a fight he had with Changkyun. He went there, slamming the door hard that I woke up and the door got locked. Stupid Wonho didn't know that there was a reason why the door was open all the time."

As he gazed at Hyungwon speaking, Shownu could almost feel the love the other had for his teammate. He sensed it before when he looked at Wonho and he's sensing the same with Hyungwon. Truth be told, he's witnessed Wonho and Changkyun's relationship but it wasn't the typical lovey-dovey relationship that he always imagined... not until he knew about Hyungwon.

"He told me about his problems with Changkyun that time and I listened to him." Hyungwon continued, his smile never left his face. "We went on talking about his relationship until 7 pm. When we were about to leave, the door was already locked. We didn't have any choice—"

"You slept together there?" Hyungwon shook his head.

"My mom owned a chopper. I called someone to fetch us." Hyungwon giggled as he said. "Wonho was scared of heights so he clung to me for dear life. Since then we became friends. We never talk in public but when it's dismissal or lunch, we go to the rooftop and hang out."

"So that's why he suddenly disappears." Shownu whispered. He looked at Hyungwon and frowned. The younger was red as a cherry. His drunk state finally showing off visually. "I think you need to go home—"

"He always disappears to be with me. We talk about soooo many things. Like my parents being assholes who never had time for me because my dad found another family and left my mom to blame everything on me who's done nothing. That's why I left home to live on my own. He also told me so many of his secrets that I promised never to tell anyone even you. I made him feel at home and he made me so happy. Then I..." Hyungwon lowered his head, sighing. "I realized I—"

"You fell in love with him?" Hyungwon nodded. "And... he did too."

The other's fingers were fidgeting. He was nervous. Shownu did the only thing he thought was necessary, he patted Hyungwon's shoulder, giving the other a sense of relief.

"He asked me out and I said yes. We were still strangers in front of others because I didn't like so much attention. But I... I wish I did. Because people would've known Wonho wasn't Changkyun's."

"But you agreed to it—"

"I agreed we would be in a relationship because I thought he already broke up with Changkyun. He never did, saying he doesn't want to hurt him." Hyungwon's voice grew wearier, sadder the more he spoke. "I never liked to be with him while he was still with Changkyun. It reminded me of my parents and I hated it."

Shownu sighed. "But why are you still going out with him? You knew it's wrong and it's stupid when he's still with Changkyun."

"Because I love him and he says he loves me too. And that's enough for me to hold on even when it hurts so bad." Hyungwon yelled, facing a bewildered Shownu with tears falling down his cheeks. "I love him and I want to be with him even just for every night. He comes home to me and he promised me he will always come home to me because he loves me. I know it sounds stupid. But everyone does stupid things when they're in love. I understood it now because of Wonho."

Shownu couldn't argue with that. It was true. And as much as he finds Hyungwon's relationship with Wonho a delusion, he knows he would've done the same for someone too.

Hyungwon sighed. "I know I'm such a sinner for this. I know if anyone knew about this especially Changkyun, they'd hate me for sure. But I think it's okay for me to be hated by thousands of people as long as I have millions of reasons to stay with someone I love."

"I don't know if it's really love or the alcohol." Hyungwon chuckled faintly. "But... Hyungwon if you are still sober, I want you to know that I support you."

Hyungwon's eyes widened. His mouth opened a bit. He couldn't believe what he just heard. Did he hear it right?

"Y-You support me?"

"You've held on for too long. If I'm not wrong, you've been dating each other for almost 2 years now. And no one else knew. I just want you to know that I'm rooting for you."

"And why would you do that?" Hyungwon asked.

Shownu smiled. "Because that's what friends do."

And with that, a smile found its way back to Hyungwon's face. He lit up in glee. Not until he saw Shownu who suddenly became teary-eyed.

"W-What's wrong?" He asked Shownu yet the older seemed like he wasn't listening. He was just staring at something. Hyungwon looked behind him and saw...

"Kihyun." Shownu whispered. His gaze fixed on the lad who's standing on the stage, smiling brightly as he held on a microphone.

"Hello everyone! I'm going to sing you a song. It's dedicated to the couple right here..." Suddenly, there was a spotlight and it focused on two people in the crowd. And Hyungwon's heart sank as he looked at the pair, bodies pressed against each other as they danced, smiles vivid on their faces. "Wonho, Changkyun. This song is for the both of you."

The music started and Hyungwon could only stare a little while before he burst into tears.

_"It's way past 8 already. Why are you still with him?"_

\---

Bodies swaying slowly as they slowdanced under the spotlight, Changkyun leaned closer.

"I asked Kihyunnie hyung for this song, please... listen."

_I really love your dark, dark eyes. Especially with that charming smile of yours. I really love that messy hair you get when you just roll out of my bed._

Wonho smiled at Changkyun who blushed at his gaze. He lowered his face, trying to avoid Wonho's stare but the older was quick to capture his chin and make him face him.

"Why are you acting like that?" Wonho asked, giggling at the sight of Changkyun acting so soft and cuddly.

_But there's one thing I haven't told you yet. I'll love you, even more, when things are bad. You said I don't deserve to have someone like you I'm only human and you're the moon. I'll never know how to treat you right. Sooner or later you'll leave my side_

"Wonho hyung..." The older raised his brow, awaiting Changkyun to speak up. The latter sighed. "Do you love me?"

"You asked me earlier—"

"Just answer me. Do you love me? Because..." Changkyun sighed. "Because I always do for you."

_If I could go back in time. I would still say yes I do. 'Cause I would go through hell just to be with you._

"Kyun-ah." Wonho cupped the other's cheek. "Why are being like this? Of course I... I do love you. Why wouldn't I?"

Changkyun smiled faintly. Wonho leaned closer to him until his lips landed on Changkyun's forehead.

"I love you too."

_I really hate it when you lie especially when you're seeing her again. I really hate it when you say you love me while you're laying next to her._

_But there's one thing that will never change. Is the love from me that you've been taking for granted. You said, "Baby I'll change, I'll come back to you. This is just a phase all these girls and booze. Please believe me when I say my heart belongs to you."_

"You love me right?" Wonho pulled away and stared at Changkyun. "Answer me again." Wonho sighed secretly yet he acted like he didn't notice it.

"Of course I do. You're my only one."

_If I could go back in time I would still say yes I do. 'Cause I would go through hell just to be with you._

They stayed silent afterwards. Their bodies still pressed against each other. They were that close yet Changkyun still felt so distant towards him.

_I know things aren't looking good. But I'm not giving up on you, on us, on our love. Maybe you don't see it working out for us right now. But I'll show you how beautiful love can be._

"Kihyun has such a nice voice." Wonho broke their silence as he looked at Kihyun who was passionately singing on stage.

Changkyun only nodded in response. His gaze only fixed on Wonho. Sighing, he cupped Wonho's cheeks to make it face him and he mouthed the lyrics:

_If I could go back in time, I would still say yes I do' Cause I would go through hell just to be with you. Oohhh, 'cause I would go through hell just to be with you._

"Yes, I will go through hell just to be with you." Changkyun said, his eyes watering unknowingly. "I hope you know how much I love you."

"Changkyun-ah, why are you crying?" Wonho asked genuinely. His voice hinted so much worry.

"Please, remember that always. And please whatever happens, don't ever leave me. You promised me that. Right?"

"Changkyun-ah—"

Wonho was interrupted when the music suddenly played a new song. He looked at the stage and his eyes widened.

_"Hyungwon..."_

\---

His heart was beating so damn fast. All eyes were on him. He could clearly see all of the people looking at him even when he's drunk. He gazed at Shownu who was, at the moment, forcefully pulling Kihyun out of the place. He sighed, remembering how the older suddenly brought him on stage to sing something as a distraction while he took Kihyun with him.

_"Hyungwon, please. I need to talk to Kihyun. You need to understand me too. I love him."_

He looked at the audience again. They were waiting for him to sing. He clutched on the microphone and heaved another sigh before he looked at the pianist who was waiting for his signal.

He nodded and soon, the melody of Secret Long Song by Little Mix was heard across the place.

He searched the one person from the crowd. The sooner he saw him, he fixed his gaze at only him as he started singing.

_We keep behind closed doors every time I see you, I die a little more. Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls. It'll never be enough._

He looked at the person next to Wonho and he felt his heart breaking, seeing as to how Changkyun pulled Wonho's arm closer to him.

Hyungwon tried his best not to cry though it was very hard. Thinking it was better than showing off his teary eyes, he shut them tight.

_As you drive me to my house, I can't stop these silent tears from rolling down. You and I both have to hide. On the outside where I can't be yours and you can't be mine. But I know this, we got a love that is homeless._

Yet, the plan wasn't working too well. He was already crying. Silent tears escaped his closed eyes. Defeated, he opened them and looked down on the floor.

He was sobbing as he sang. The audience, too, were feeling very emotional. The song was already too heartbreaking but Hyungwon made it worse with his feelings enhancing the painful meaning of the song. The song that seemed to mirror his life.

He sighed, now facing the audience. He wiped his tears away as he gazed at Wonho who, too, was teary eyed just watching him slowly breaking down while singing.

_Why can't I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor? I wish that it could be like that. Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours. Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops. I wish that it could be like that._

Hyungwon stared at Wonho's eyes. "Why can't it be like that? 'Cause I'm yours." He mouthed before he climbed down the stage until he went back to the bar where he asked for a bottle of gin.

The bartender hesitated to give him the bottle but he handed him too much money that he just had to give the bottle. Hyungwon popped the cap open, hurrying to chug the alcohol as he stared at a couple slowdancing in front of him.

_"Just why can't we be like them?"_

\---

"Well, that was emotional." Changkyun said, the moment the singer in front left the stage. "What could've happened to his love life?" He joked.

"He's... sad." Wonho said softly, almost like a whisper.

"I guess so. I saw him earlier, he's been crying so much at the bar." Changkyun replied casually. He looked at Wonho and smiled. "I could be like him if you ever leave me—"

Changkyun cut himself off when he took out his phone from his pockets. He groaned loudly.

"Yikes! It's 9 pm! I need to go home. Mom will kill me." He said, trying his best to capture Wonho's attention yet the other was so preoccupied staring at the stage. "Wonho hyung?"

"W-What?" Wonho finally responded. "What were you saying?" He asked, gazing at Changkyun with teary eyes.

"Are you okay?" Wonho nodded faintly. "I said I'm going home. Is it okay? It's because mom will literally murder me and bury me down to the mantle if I go home past 9 o clock."

"Yeah." Wonho said. The younger just pulled him for a hug as a response before he mouthed the words "I love you" which Wonho just replied with an "Likewise."

"Bye." The last word Changkyun said before he left Wonho on the dance floor.

Quickly, Wonho ran towards Hyungwon who was busying himself talking to someone whose back was facing Wonho.

"I don't wanna go home with youuuuuuuu~" He heard Hyungwon say in a surprisingly enthusiastic manner. "But if you insist then..." Hyungwon leaned close to the guy next to him until he almost fell on his chair if it weren't for the person next to him.

Wonho, just looking at them that close, felt his blood boiling. He hurriedly approached them.

"Let's go now—"

Before the other male could drag Hyungwon to stand, Wonho pushed him away. He then held on to Hyungwon who was barely conscious.

"What the hell—" The other male looked at Wonho. "Wonho?"

Wonho looked at the male too, finally recognizing who it was. "Shownu? What are you doing here?" He asked, eyeing Shownu from head to toe.

"I uh... went to a blind date with Hyungwon. We went for drinks but he got too drunk. I'm gonna drive him hom—"

"No need. I will take him home now." With that said, Wonho swooped Hyungwon on his arms, bridal style. "Bye." He said before walking out of the club with Hyungwon.

"Wonhooooooo?" Hyungwon giggled. "Is that youuuuuu?"

"Yes. Yes, it's me." Wonho replied softly.

"Why are you with me? And not with hiiiim. Who was that? Lim... Lim Jajjangmyeoooon? Hehe. Lim Jajjangmyeon." Wonho couldn't help but to smile at Hyungwon's drunk state. "Why are you with me, Wonhoooo?"

Wonho stopped walked and eyed Hyungwon who was slowly closing his eyes. He stared at the beauty in front of him for a while before he sighed in awe.

"Because I love you, Hyungwon. That's why." He replied with a soft smile plastered on his face.

Hyungwon opened his right eye and giggled again. "I love chuuuu too." He said, pouting his lips. "But Wonhoooo, I'm sad." Hyungwon frowned.

"Why? Is it because of me?" Wonho sighed. "I'm really sorry, Hyungwon. I'm so so sorry."

Hyungwon looked at him blankly before he let out another giggle, only then Wonho realized that a drunk Hyungwon wasn't really a good person to talk to.

Wonho chuckled as he eyed Hyungwon who was smiling widely. He started to walk again. Their apartment, originally Hyungwon's, was just a few blocks away.

He looked back at Hyungwon who was blushing so bad. He chuckled, "You're really drunk huh—"

"Shin Wonho, would you marry me?"

Wonho was taken back. He stopped walking just to stare at Hyungwon to look whether he was joking or not. Yet when his gaze landed on the drunk younger, Hyungwon was everything but joking around. He looked dead serious.

"W-What?"

"Would you marry me if you want to? Because I do." Hyungwon said seriously.

Wonho heaved a calm sigh. He smiled at Hyungwon and mouthed the words:

"Yes. Yes I would."

Hyungwon's face gleamed in joy. He even yelled as enthusiastic as he was. It only lasted for a while until he was greeted by drowsiness and he started to yawn. Then he fell asleep on Wonho's strong arms.

Wonho stopped walking again, just to admire Hyungwon. He smiled as he whispered:

_"I will marry you after graduation. I will, Hyungwon."_

\---

The sharp buzz of the alarm cut through the cold _morning_ air. A hand stuck out of the blankets nearby, picked up the alarm clock and threw it against the wall. The clock bounced off the wall harmlessly and continued ringing on the floor, like some sort of screeching banshee.

Hyungwon groaned and forced himself out of bed yet just when he sat up, he felt dizzy and his head hurt like hell. Despite the headache, he padded over to the alarm clock and turned it off. He hurriedly went back to bed and looked at the ceiling, trying to remember what had happened last night.

"What..." Hyungwon groaned as he felt head being pounded by an invisible force. He massaged his temples. Luckily, the pain went away.

He sighed in relief. The headache wasn't that unbearable anymore. He was able to look at his surroundings without feeling dizzy. The whole place was a mess. Clothes were thrown everywhere and the bed sheets were mangled— Wait.

"Holy shit!" Hyungwon cursed, seeing as to how he was half naked. His bare chest exposed to the sunlight. "What the hell happened last night? Did I sleep with someone?"

He was starting to feel uneasy. His eyes were shaking as he tried to remember anything from last night. He couldn't. All he remember was waking up alone.

"No. I couldn't have slept with someone. This is my apartment. This is my room. I still have my underwear on. I'm alone—" He stared at the piece of paper on his nightstand. Curious, he took it on his hands and read the note saying:

_"Hey angel, good afternoon. I know you're gonna wake up this late because we were up all night yesterday. BUT we didn't do anything. You simply refused to sleep and insisted to watch movies until 4 am. Then you puked on your shirt a couple of times so I decided to take it off. I wished to wake up next to you but I had to go somewhere important. I'll also talk to Changkyun about some things and... well, I will finally end our relationship. I just want to be with you officially._

_So... please meet me at park at 5 pm. I have something special for you. Don't doll up too much for me, I love you whatever and whoever you are._

_Wonho."_

Hyungwon blushed, just reading the note. He could hear Wonho's voice and he knew himself that his lover's voice was one of his weakness. It gives him relief and warmth. It felt like Wonho was just there, next to him.

Hyungwon looked at the time. It was already a quarter before 3. Wonho said 5 pm but Hyungwon thought he should finally be early this time. He'd always make Wonho wait, whether he was intentionally doing so or trying hard not to be late. Fortunately for him, Wonho still loved him despite his lazy ass.

With a heavy sigh, Hyungwon made his way to the bathroom. A bit dizzy, Hyungwon felt. But he was excited to see Wonho so he took small steps until he finally reached the shower. He chuckled as he imagine what'll happen on their date later. It already felt magical, almost like a dream coming true. Maybe he's cruel, knowing Wonho's gonna break up with Changkyun but he thought it's time for him to finally get what he wants.

_"What are you up to, Wonho?"_

_\---_

It took an hour for Hyungwon to finish dressing up. He looked at the mirror. Handsome. Everyone kept on telling him that. He would be an idiot if he didn't believe them. But he'd always feel so insecure so he tries so hard to be more presentable to others especially Wonho who was far from being the average handsome.

He looked at the time again. 3:53 PM. He let out a sigh. Taking a look at himself once more, Hyungwon nodded and decided to finally step out of his apartment.

The outside was cold and Hyungwon thanked himself for deciding to finally wear gloves and a scarf when he rarely does.

He made his way to the park just a few blocks away. While walking, he kept on thinking about what Wonho's surprise would be. Maybe he's gonna give Hyungwon flowers or balloons. Or a pet cat that Hyungwon always wanted. Or...

Hyungwon stopped walking. His heart ached a bit, just thinking about Wonho breaking up with him later. He didn't know where that thought came from. He was supposed to be optimistic because Wonho was finally chosing him over Changkyun but he just felt uneasy in some weird way.

He shook the pessimistic thought away and walked his way to the park where he sat on a nearby bench, waiting for Wonho.

He looked at his wrist watch and laughed. He was an hour earlier than Wonho. It was the very first time he came early. He was usually late, even in school when he had so many resources to get to school on time. His reason all the time? _"I'm too lazy."_

He was satisfied at himself for changing. But the satisfaction only took thirteen minutes before he got annoyed just by waiting. Frustrated, Hyungwon dialed Wonho's number. He didn't care if he wouldn't be surprised. He only wanted to see Wonho as soon as possible. Unfortunately, he just figured out that he hates being kept waiting.

Wonho wasn't answering and Hyungwon was getting more irritated. 

_"Stupid idiot."_

He could be lying if he meant Wonho. He knew he was the one to be blamed for waiting under a tree branch that barely stopped the snowflakes to fall on his velvet coat. But on the contrary, Wonho could be blamed for making him go so giddy about the "surprise".

"It's getting colder." He whispered. Eyeing the surroundings, he looked for a warm and cozy place. "Bingo!" He said. Standing up to go the café he'd seen, he stretched his limbs that were getting numb.

He started walking slowly from the bench to the café. He looked at the time. It was still half an hour before 5. It wouldn't hurt Wonho if he could just wait a bit while Hyungwon enjoy a cup of cocoa.

The moment he entered the café, he got reminded of his supposed blind date with Shownu. And some memories started to ring a bell on him. He had to lean on a wall just to let it all sink, especially how he was so emotionally and physically wasted last night.

"Ugh. I will never drink again." He murmured. Sighing, he approached the barista and asked for a cappuccino. He gave his card, took the receipt afterwards and left to sit on a farther table.

His brow raised the moment he got to look at the people around him. There were couples everywhere and then he realized.

"Oh shit." Hyungwon had his palm on his face. It was Valentine's day. "That's why that dude (barista) said he knows what I feel."

But the barista could never know how he felt. First, because Hyungwon was already in a relationship. Second, because it was a secret and unhealthy relationship. Third, because the barista wasn't hungover.

Hyungwon put his earplugs on and let Bruno Mars accompany him with Talking to the Moon while he sipped on his cappuccino.

He bobbed his head at the beat, closing his eyes to feel the music. Bruno had always helped calm him down. Maybe it was the music or the voice or maybe both. He didn't really care about the lyrics since he barely understood English.

He almost finished his cup when someone entered the café. He eyed the person and almost choked on his drink. It was Changkyun.

_"What the hell is he doing here?"_

As far as he's concerned, there were no available tables already. Those cheesy couples already claimed the tables for their date. So why was Changkyun calmy strolling down the hallway towards a table.

Hyungwon leaned forward to look at who Changkyun was meeting with. It was a male. He couldn't see the face since he was sitting with his back against Hyungwon's gaze. But when Changkyun arrived to see him, Hyungwon could clearly recognize who it was. And his heart ached.

He heaved a sigh, leaned on the chair and rested his head on it, trying his best to maybe just fall asleep than witness Wonho and Changkyun being all sweet.

Then again, it's Hyungwon. He was curious on almost everything. He fixed his gaze on them and analyzed their every move.

Unexpectedly, they weren't holding hands, hugging each other or whatever. They were just... seriously talking.

_"Oh no. Wonho said he's gonna break up with him."_

Hyungwon couldn't understand what he should be feeling. Whether he should be happy or not that Wonho's finally gonna give up Changkyun just to be with him. He was cruel and selfish enough earlier to be excited about the situation yet now that he's seeing it right in front of him, he's nervous and hurt.

Hyungwon just looked at how Wonho talked softly to Changkyun who was lowering his head, almost not listening. If only Hyungwon could read lips, then he would know what they were exactly talking about.

Changkyun looked up and laughed. There were no tears forming on his eyes. He was... okay?

"Wonho, are you sure you're breaking up with him—"

Hyungwon's eyes widened when Changkyun leaned forward to give a peck on Wonho's lips. He felt his blood boiling for a second there not until he felt nothing but... pain, seeing as to how Wonho pulled away and took something out from his pockets.

Changkyun lit up in glee as he stared at the diamond ring on a small box Wonho was holding. He looked at Wonho with tears on his face and he nodded.

Hyungwon, who was staring at them, couldn't handle everything he had seen. He stood up and ran out of the café. He made sure he made his exit way too obvious for Wonho and Changkyun to see.

The moment he stepped out of the café, he burst into tears. Wonho had told him that he would break up with Changkyun. Wonho told him he was gonna be with him already. Wonho said he loved him, only him.

_"But everything's a lie."_

Hyungwon felt his knees going numb that he had to hold onto a pole. He cried and cried, not even minding the people who were looking at him. It was too painful to bear all alone.

"Hyungwon!" He looked behind him and his heart broke into a million more pieces. It was Wonho, behind him was Changkyun, looking so sad. "W-Why are you here?"

Hyungwon wiped his tears and smiled at them. "C-Congratulations on y-your engagement. I... I'm so happy for you guys. Looky here, tears of j-joy!" He said, his voice cracking just like his heart.

He started to walk away from them, afraid that he would break down in front of the couple. When he reached an intersection far from the café, he sat on the pavement and cried as he waited for the stop light so he could cross the street.

3... 2... 1...

He stood up, wiping his tears. He started to walk across the road until someone stopped him. A hand held on to his wrist and pulled him back.

"Wonho, for fuck's sake, please just leave me alone! I don't want to do this anymore. I'm so tired of always being the side guy. I'm fucking tried of you treating me like an option when I'm supposed to be your priority." Hyungwon yelled aloud. Tears still flowing down his cheeks.

Wonho looked at him and tried to wipe the tears away but Hyungwon slapped his hand and glared at him.

"You told me you were gonna pick me this time. You told me you were gonna choose me over him. You told me you love me more than him. You're such a liar—"

Wonho hugged him yet Hyungwon struggled to break loose. "Hyungwon, I love you." He whispered but Hyungwon pushed him away.

"Love?" Hyungwon laughed. "What kind of love hurts someone this much?"

"You don't understand. I was just talking with Changkyun. We settled things—"

"No, I understand plenty, you jerk." Hyungwon pushed Wonho away when the other stepped forward to meet him. "Let's end this. I don't want it anymore. Goodbye Wonho."

Hyungwon turned his back against Wonho and started walking away. His hands on his face as he tried to wipe the many tears forming on his eyes.

"Hyungwon, wait!"

The younger tried looking back, hearing Wonho's shout not until he caught sight of a light that had almost illuminated his vision. He couldn't see anything but white and all he could hear was a loud beep. Everything went black afterwards.

\---

White. Everything was white. Why was everything white?

Hyungwon blinked once, twice, and then the details settled in. He was looking at a white ceiling.

A hospital ceiling.

His body was too weak to move, so he turned his head. On his right was a window, closed, withsoft white curtains standing still. On his left, on a small white table, a bouquet of bright, carmine flowers and... a worried looking Changkyun, sitting on a stool.

"You're awake." The other said, smiling faintly. "Thank God." He added, still with a smile on his face.

"C-Changkyun." Hyungwon muttered softly. "W-What are you doing here?" He asked. His eyes widening in curiosity.

The other just smiled and pointed the carmine flowers in front of him.

"Shownu hyung put these here for you. He said it would be a good sight when you wake up." Changkyun smiled.

"W-What happened—"

"You got into an accident that injured your head. You got into a coma for like 3 days? I guess. I haven't been on track with time." Changkyun replied calmly.

Hyungwon put a hand on his head. There was a bandage on it. He must've really hit his head bad. He couldn't remember anything but... Wonho.

He was about to open his mouth to ask about Wonho until Changkyun spoke first.

"You know, I always wanted to meet you. And talk to you without wanting to punch you on the face." Hyungwon lowered his head.

_"He must've known already."_

"I've known about you the very moment you and Wonho met at the rooftop." Hyungwon looked at Changkyun with eyes wide open. The other chuckled and spoke again. "I followed Wonho that night. The door was never locked. I was able to hear what you guys were talking. Until the very end when I closed the door, clueless that it would be locked afterwards. The next thing I heard was a chopper landing on the rooftop. It was my fault, sorry."

"What are you—"

"That night, I realized so many things." Changkyun cut Hyungwon off, not giving him a chance to speak. He wanted Hyungwon to know things. "I realized Wonho and I were already on the verge of breaking up. We were just two people tied together with a similarity. Both of us didn't want to hurt each other. But I realized now that I was already hurting him so much, he just couldn't hurt me by saying he was in love with you."

"I'm sorry—"

"Hyungwon shut up. You need to hear this." Changkyun blurted. "I knew I was so tough on him. I realized I should give time for himself, away from me. But I didn't imagine he would give his time to you. And then you gave yours to him. I knew you two were in a relationship. I just never told him."

Hyungwon felt his eyes tearing up at the revelation. He tried his hardest not to let the tears fall down but he couldn't. He was crying. And so was Changkyun.

"I love him so much. And I was so selfish enough to make him stay with me when he wasn't happy anymore. I was so selfish that I knew he already loves someone else but I kept him for myself." Changkyun sobbed. He didn't hide his tears. He let them fall down on his cheeks. "I had always been so strict on him. I didn't want him to leave my side. I was so possessive because he was the only thing good that's happened in my life. I didn't want him to leave me. But I gave him the freedom after the day so he could come home to you."

Hyungwon broke down just hearing what Changkyun said to him. He thought Changkyun was hurting him for being the lucky one to have Wonho officially but he was the one hurting Changkyun so much. He took Wonho from him.

"I'm sorry." Hyungwon whispered as he sobbed, taking Changkyun's hand and bowing on to it. "Changkyun-ah, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

Changkyun chuckled, patting Hyungwon's shoulder. "Why would you be sorry when you made the love of my life the happiest?" He said, smiling. "I make him laugh at times but when we walk past by you in school, his face lights up. He was so different with you. And I'm so thankful to you for that. You made him happy when I didn't know how to."

Changkyun held Hyungwon and made him sit. He smiled at him though his smile was faint and sad.

"When I saw you that day at the bar, I felt like crying. You were so broken. And when you sang that song, I knew I broke you. You wouldn't feel that way if I just let Wonho go from the start." Changkyun said softly. "And when I saw Wonho carrying you home, I knew it was time for me to give way to you especially when you asked him if he would marry you."

At that moment, the blurry memories were finally clear again like everything happened just yesterday. Hyungwon remembered everything and the pain. And he cried.

"The next day, Wonho asked me to go see him because he wanted to talk to me about things. We met at the café near the park and he told me everything about you. He said he was sorry and I broke up with him because I wanted him to be happy. All I asked for was a last kiss."

"But he proposed to you." Hyungwon said bitterly.

Changkyun looked at him, confused before he chuckled. This time, Hyungwon had his brows furrowed. He didn't know why Changkyun was suddenly laughing. It felt weird especially when the other still had tears on his face. When Changkyun had had enough laugh, he spoke.

"He said he was gonna propose to you that night. And he asked if the ring was okay and if it would suit you. Then..." Changkyun smiled faded away. "Everything went wrong so fast." He said, lowering his head.

Hyungwon felt relieved at what Changkyun said. He smiled faintly. He was so stupid enough to fall into conclusions so quickly. It was really true that Wonho was breaking up with Changkyun. Wonho was truthful to him but...

"Where is Wonho?" Changkyun brought his head up to face Hyungwon but he didn't answer. He just stared at him. "Changkyun, where is Wonho? Please. Where is he?"

Instead of an answer, tears only replied back at Hyungwon as they fell down quickly on Changkyun's face. He didn't know what had happened but Hyungwon felt so empty and so broken. Something didn't feel right.

"Tell me please..." Hyungwon begged, sobbing. "Where is he?"

Changkyun wiped his tears and sighed. "I followed him that night. He chased after you. I was there when you said things about him in that intersection. I wanted to butt in but you walked away and some drunkard didn't follow the traffic lights."

Hyungwon closed his eyes, letting tears escape his shut lids. He recalled that night. He recalled a car. He recalled being pushed away. He recalled falling. He recalled hearing shouts. And he recalled a crash before he lost consciousness.

"He saved your life." Changkyun whispered.

Hyungwon felt numb all around his body but the pain in his heart still was there. It wasn't going anywhere.

"He stayed in the icu for two days. He woke up." Changkyun paused, wiping his tears away for a second. "He insisted to see you but you were still unconscious."

"W-What happened... next?" Hyungwon asked.

Changkyun lowered his head and took out somethings on his pockets. "He asked me to give you this..." He gave Hyungwon a phone. "And this." And a small box.

"This is his phone?" Hyungwon asked and Changkyun only nodded. The other stood up and sighed.

"He said you should listen to the voice record. He asked me to step out of the room that day so he could tell you things when you finally wake up." He started walking away until he was already opening the door.

"Where are you going?"

Changkyun smiled at Hyungwon. "Finally stepping out for you." He said before he went out and shut the door, leaving Hyungwon with no other option but to listen to the voice record that he saw on the files.

Hyungwon heaved a sigh before he played the file.

"Hyungwon..."

Just hearing Wonho's weary voice made Hyungwon's heart skip a beat.

"I... I have no time left. And I think Changkyun realized that too. I want you to... know that I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for causing you so much pain and suffering. I-I'm so selfish. I'm sorry for making you go through all of it alone. I wish I was brave enough for you. I wish I hadn't... been too late but I already was in the first place."

There was a short pause and it gave Hyungwon a little bit of time to sob loudly, just hearing how Wonho's voice felt so weak. It was killing him on the inside.

"Hyungwon... I love you so much. I wished I told you that sooner before everything went downhill. I love you with every part of me. You were the missing piece that would've completed me and I was ready to surrender everything just to be with you forever."

Hyungwon wiped the tears forming on his eyes but they were too many. He just let them fall on the sheets and on the little box Changkyun gave him. Curious, he opened the box and his heart sank.

"Hyungwon, I know things are already too late for us but I hope I can still ask you to marry me. I wish you would still be happy like last time when the topic was brought up and say yes."

He held the diamond ring on his hand as tears fell on it. He slipped the ring on his finger and it fit perfectly.

"You and I were right for each other at the wrong time. I wish we had little more time to be together without hiding... but we can't." Wonho paused for a little while and Hyungwon thought he was crying as he heard a soft sob on the voice record. "Hyungwon, my time's almost up now. I wish I was there to greet you when you wake up but this is the closest I could get to say... good afternoon angel. I knew you were gonna wake up this late but I hope you will still have a great day today. I will be with you tonight and tomorrow and so on. I love you forever and always."

The voice record ended with a painful cough and Hyungwon knew that was the last time Wonho breathed with his life before it went away.

He was left crying all alone in the room. He held his left hand close to his heart, feeling the ring with his heartbeat.

He was interrupted by an eerie sound and when he looked at his left side, he sighed with a smile.

It was his alarm clock telling him it was already 2:30 pm, the usual time Wonho sets for him to wake up.

**The end.**

**Author's Note:**

> This is the most emotional story I have ever written. This was inspired by a little bit of my life story and mainly Secret Love Song by Little Mix.
> 
> I experienced being replaced by someone secretly and I also experienced being the second option without realizing I was loving someone who was in a relationship with someone. Really stupid huh? But like Hyungwon said, "Everyone does stupid things when they're in love."
> 
> I hope this story made you feel emotional. Hit me up in the comments if it did.
> 
> Thank you for reading! ❤


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